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Relive These Thrilling Moments From the 1986 S.M.I.G.T!!

This year our robust host, "Pee Wee"/"Uncle Dave" Serie outdid himself in once again providing an outstanding event marked with beautiful weather, rations, new contestants and events. (Don't worry "Wheel Bar," it'll be subtle!). The elder Mr. Serie did, however, mess up this years photos to the extent that there are none! (Something about loading the camera at Maddens upon arrival after too many vodka tonics on the way up, no film!). Next year he should consider asking the maid for assistance before leaving.

New to the foray this year were:

Frank "Lovey" Loveland
Greg "Wheel Bar" Miller
Warren "Walter" Brennan

New events were "Cart Chipping" and "Controller Sailing." Frank took honors in the first event with a deft 5-iron shot to a Yamaha on the first tee. The Howitzer honored in the second with a beautifully executed power turn on the rain soaked 15th, hurling Lovey 40 feet, if an inch!

As in past years, exemplary service was provided by several of Maddens staff, most notably Leah, whose pulcritude left even the best of us, no less the "Beef" impressed with her profile against the sun. Never have I seen a table set like that! Honorable mention goes to Jodi, one of St. Cloud States finest golfers, who ah, -never mind.

Speaking of "Wheel Bar," he was kind enough to awaken the Howitzer at O-Dark-Thirty Tuesday to tell him he wasn't Pete (Pee-Tee). No doubt Howie appreciated that as much as he did bunking with the elder Serie who performed his gutteral rendition of a wounded bassoon for the entire night ("never have I heard" a man snore that way!).

A little wildlife was seen this year; Jaws took after a woodchuck on the fourtheenth hole Monday, Walter, a wounded rodent of the genus "castor" Tuesday early, and Pee-Wee a no-less-than 4-coil King Cobra. The later reptile left in his W.C. by an unknown perpetrator/predator?

Jams! Jams are still the worst. Comments suggested that they had something in common with the pig farm near Pierz which, by the way, neared 9.9 on the rectal scale this year.

Golf was alleged to have been played. The Howitzer (too much HDCP) beat the Colonel Major in the final with Walter Brennan. Walter's game turned fetid following his unbelievable semi-final round play. Pee-Wee did not make the finale despite his handicap, or lack thereof. Sprout took consolation honors and Mongo/Tron took the scramble. The Serie Brothers thought they had it wrapped up with a 66, but were aced out by one (1) stroke! Other notable play included the Duke's never-have-I-seen consistency, the Beef's putting, although like other things it's getting shorter, and Iron's closest too! ("Never have I seen" a man so /inebriated come so close to an ace!)

Alcohol was alleged to have been consumed. Long Island Tea abounded like eurasian millfoil and word has it some were abusing something called "California Sensimilia" although I heard it was a little harsh. In the end this financial braintrust miscalculated and ended up running out of booze some thirty milles short of Minneapolis on the return trip.

Yaboos, it seemed were out of season this year. Pity! One elder oversize pair was sighted on number eight, a beautiful sight indeed!

Rations were up to par (NIP) with previous years. The prime rib on Sunday was a little skimpy although Frank's tactful tableside manner landed him another portion. The filet on Monday P.M. was most excellent, weren't they Paul?

Speaking of sharing; Sprout's attendance this year was exemplified by his presence at dinner on Monday. Althouth missing his entree, the ever fashionable deacon of small was later served Banana Cream Pie, Au-Chest-Hair (singular) in bed; what are friends for!

The younger more distinguished Serie blessed us with a few new stories, most notablly regarding a certain Mel Boone, who lost his head after "rear ending" the posterior of a glass truck. Last seen, Mr. Boone's head was witnessed to be smiling as it rolled past the truck driver; it reporedly was later used as a bowling ball by Mr. Jim (Colonel) Bous of "Windy Jim" fame.

Proper linguistic etiquette at Maddens this year required you to reply to every question with "oh I don't know," to which the questioner would retort "oh I think you do!" What can I say?

Croquet is an interesting game. From 4 to 6 people stand around and argue until someone wins. Apparently an elderly staffer at Maddens disagreed with our method of play and proffered up a number of copies of the croquet gazette; one for each person and your friend "peecing on my bushes!" Again this year the tournament chairman took top honors; with a miniscule amount of help from the younger brother. I'm assuming that it was not so much skill as it was everyone else faltering to assure themselves a spot on next years participant list.

All in all an excellent time was had by everyone! I quote the senior Serie (Big Don): "Anyone who doesn't like a life like this shouldn't have one!" Truer words were never spoken...

Til next year,
P.U. Putts