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2013 SMIGT 29th ANNUAL EVENT
The 2013 29th annual smigt got kicked off in fine fashion on Sunday 18 August
under blue skies and bright sunshine at the Madden's Resort on Gull Lake.
Bloody marys and hot carmel rolls were being served as the SMIGT members were
gathering for another big adventure. One by one they came, big, small, all
sizes and colors, with names like Big Al, Jaws, Walter Brennan, Baby Seal, the
Viper, Howitzer, Professor of Pork, Wilbur, Benji, The Hammer, Shoppy,
Chairman PeeVee, Halvorhooter, High Woods, and rookie Philbert or
"Retool" or whatever.. and last but not least, Cool Whip, the Iowa
contingent who would later win the "farthest driven" award coming
from DesMoines Iowa. Yes, these special friends came with gifts, some with
firewater, some with smigt "props" that only the SMIGT golfers
understand the importance of like Bingo and his grave stone and cross, Polly
Parrot, The Stoogies, The Gopherrrr, and some just came hoping for a memory or
two of the past like, Janice and her turndown service, some Frisbee, maybe a
"black socks" redo, a special paddle boat ride at midnight, maybe a
guy "peeccing in the bushes", Beef's Balls, Bones Bootles and
Peppered onions and pickles, Packer Backers, the memories are neverending for
a bunch of SMIGT golfers and friends that have come up to this Big adventure
for 29yr to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and everyday
chores and to let their hair down a little, eat, drink, golf and enjoy the
Comaraderie that only they can appreciate and understand. The 29th annual was
being billed as the preview for the big one..The 30th Annual in 2014!!
Following the Calcutta auction.. which Large Al auctioneered with his normal
guteral rendition of a bull moose with a bull horn..just ask howie..whenever
his ears clear...the Games began. The first round pitted Shoppy vs Baby
Seal, with Shoppy winning 1up in a hard fought battle. The Hammer vs Jaws E.
Wales with Hammer advancing 2up. Then came High Woods vs Halvorhooter aka
Senior Hobo..Highwoods advanced 3 and 2. Then the featured match..Petey vs the
Rookie Refill..Petey advanced but Refill got the education of a lifetime re
how to act..what to say..when to talk..when not to talk..when to piss..when
not to piss etc etc..who to pay for more hdcp etc..along with a lot of other
information only Petey could offer when at the SMIGT. Wheel Bar then took on
the Large Man with Large winning 3 and 1..I think Wilburt had a slight case of
golf cancer that never really went away during the tourney...he wasn't
used to being in the losers bracket after the first round and got a little
surly. The Professor then took on Benji and the Professor advanced 2 and 1.
It was then the Chairman's turn to battle Cool Whip aka "the
Whipster," always a tough competetor..those two extra strokes that cool
man got.. got the best of the chairman and Cool won 2up. The final match had
the Howitzer against Walter Brennan..aka Mr Magoo..Howie spent a good part of
the match watching where Walter's ball went but still prevailed 5 and 4 with
some of his drives mirroring John Daly's...wow!!
The second round was played with very foggy heads..especially Large Al..as he
fought to make sure he got enough of the elixir to keep him loose during the
round. Somehow he won his match over Cool Whip 5 & 4..The coup de grāce
the double Yag bomb Howie bought him in Craguns bar after the round...the
"cape buffalo" had a snoot full but continued his stellar (loose
definition) play at the Scramble..never have I seen a man drink and golf like
that. High Woods, Petey and Howie advanced as well with Wilbur, Benji, the
Chairman and Re-phil to finals of consolation bracket
The Scramble was a bit foggy..but this is how I remember it. With adequate
"swing lubricant" already under our belts...especially Al.. the
teams continued to golf at a high level..the Chairman showed that age and
rigor is not a deterent and "chewed in" one on the first hole with
his new favorite Ping G10 "draw 5" club he had purchased from Shoppy
aka Ala Cart..Ala is still mumblin that he sold it too cheap and wants a cut
in future winnings from the Chairman..somehow I think that negotiation will
continue until they throw the first shovel of dirt over one of them! Howie
was concerned that we may run short of elixir and deceided to crack out his
bottle of Crown Black..and Kenton immediately muttered "just
black"..inside joke only vets will understand Re-Fill. Anyway as the
round progressed it seemed that every one kept enjoying the round more and
more as the "Crown Black" bottle kept emptying..Howie even drove
the green on hole no 7..305 yards..his teammates didn't give him any
help as they all missed the 6 ft eagle putt..was the elixir starting to have
a negative effect of the "gophers"??
The scramble continued on the back nine as the boys started to run out of
golf steam but picked up the "elixir" steam and started to argue
over who would hit the drive so the other three could sit in the cart and sip
Crown in the shade. Occassionally on the course we would hear that loud deep
"guteral" auctioneers voice hollering something at his ball..one
of the golfers quipped..it sounds like a "Bull Moose" with a
"Bull" Horn..I think that pretty well described it. There was only
one "moving the flag" incident that I am aware of and that was on
hole 11..not sure if it deterred or affected the group behind but we could
hear loud voices saying...mother Fer..GD it..those bast_-erds etc. As
the scramble ended with its normal cart parking behind 18..everyone seemed
"well oiled" and the jugs had only a sniff or two of elixir left.
One problem..we seemed to have lost the last two groups Large Al's and
the Professor's..were they delayed by another "pissing in the hole" incident??
(that was really gross petey) Large peecing in the woods by 17th green?....or
were they just playing slow..Shoppy was already finished so he couldn't be the
culprit..so with our infinite wisdom we all decided to drive our carts back
to find them..we found them coming up to hole 17 as we preceeded to drive the
carts around up and on the teeing areas..it looked like one of those "chinese"
fire drills. We got them herded to the last hole as we finished up the
Scramble...with no hemp rope incidents. That is when the crazy-ness started.
Petey deceided that he would drive howies Harley pickup back to the lodge..he
being the big Limo driver...that was a big mistake!! By the time he got back
he had everyone laughing and crying and praying at the same time..pants full
of the stuff we talked about at the dinner table stories..he ran the first
stop sign in the parking lot..it got worse from there..he slowed down to 30
when he flew over the stop sign on main hwy wth the trailer bouncing..he had
that saline solution's turbo charger maxed out..and its only a mile
back..he hit 70 going by church pews..passing cars..honking the horn at the
golfers..speed bumps were for "bouncing" over..words like get the
F over..GD it lets go..why youuu...it was a near "deathly" ride
and it only ended when someone said...SLOW DOWN you Bast__ard as we
cruised into the Maddens parking lot. I think the moral of the story is
... make sure the keys go to the most sober guy..not the drunkest..I
think everyone was just happy to be alive.
Tuesday dawned another beautiful sunny day.. (last rain out was 1985..golf
gods must be looking down on the SMIGT Nation) ..later to heat up a bit and
cause us to "hydrate" a lot on the course. The finals pitted High
Woods, Petey, Howie and Large Man..could Large hold it together after being
maxed out on "everything" the entire weekend..would it be Howie with
his mammoth drives..Petey with that GD Viper as Halvor says..or would it be
the very smooth professor of golf..Pork Pie!!?? The other consolation matches
pitted Wilbur, Benji, Re'Fil and the Chairman with Benji and the chairman
winning first round and then Benji taking down the Chairman in the finials..we
all wondered how the H Benji mustered up enough energy to win the whole thing
after looking a bit peaked the day before..but the Chairman tipped his hat to
him as he beat him fair and square 2up. The finals were a battle royale with
Large taking down High Woods 4&3 and Howie beating the Petey 3 & 2.
Question now was..did Large man have enough in the tank yet to beat the
youthful Howitzer..or will he wilt in the heat and the profuse loss of
liquids..mostly alcohol..or suck it up and prevail. Well it went down to the
last hole with the Large Man winning 1up! Wow..what a feat for a guy just
hours before at dinner looked like he had been "force fed" by I V a gallon or
two of his favorite elixir..McAdams..and then whipped and punished by Janice!
Well congratulations Big Al..you are our 2013 SMIGT Champion!!
Some other memories/highlites:
Very nice to have back the three Muskateers..Jaws, Halvor and Walter Brennan.
Also a welcome addition was Phil Weber..aka..Rebar..Redue..Refill..with some
tuning and practice he will become a very good golfer. I'm sure he is a lot
smarter now that he golfed with Petey for a round!!??
Nice for the Hammer to come back and take Red Sharks spot..hope you enjoyed
The Yag bomb Howie fed Large Man..he sniffed it and said yuk as he was putin
er down the hatch...looked like his temperature started rising about a
degree a minute after that.
Learned that Crown Black was the Bomb!!
The Viper is still barking loud and clear..now if he would just work on his
short game a bit...
Food was out of this world and service excellent, except when Shoppy's
steak was late and he almost turned into a Darth...but then it came and he was
happy as a punk in boys town.
Breakfasts also were great and plentiful..except one morning when they ran out
of peanut butter??
Bobby Jones tapes and card games were pretty scarce this year..guess we are
either getting older..na..or we just had too much fun out on the course..yes
to both I think.
Sh...it stories were great dinner entertainment..especially the
Professors right before the food was served..chocolate pudding any one??
Polly the Parrot and the comical conversations with the Professor during the
night..one of the first times Polly was able to talk at her same level.
Jaws bottle rockets.
Walter's "Where did it go! Where did it go!!"
Cool Whip with a little Sergio move with his driver..waggle..waggle up and
down and fire.
Shoppy.."damn I should have hit the 5 iron..no maybe the 6..you know I
could have hit the rescue maybe"........petey says just hit the
Until we meet again on the golf course,
Golfingly yours, PU Putts